Why I love a "bad" chemistry joke
I named my tutoring business after an element that melts in your hand, so it's probably no surprise that I have a soft spot for chemistry puns. One reason why I love them is that behind every good chemistry joke is a tiny quiz. You only get the punchline if you know the science behind it. When a student groans at one of mine, I know the concept landed.
So here are ten of my favourites, with a small explanation for each.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.
Argon is a noble gas with a full outer shell of electrons, so it barely reacts with anything. (Hence the naming of group as "noble" - they don't like associating with us common folk!)
Two atoms walk down the street. One says, "I think I lost an electron." The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive."
When an atom loses an electron and has more protons than electrons, it becomes a positive ion (a cation).
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much a drink costs. The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
Protons are positive, electrons are negative, and neutrons have no charge at all.
Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.
"Like dissolves like" is a classic mnemonic taught to beginner chemistry students to help them remember solubility rules. Polar substances dissolve in polar solvents such as water, while nonpolar ones dissolve in nonpolar solvents such as hexane. This is also why oil (nonpolar) and water (polar) don't mix!
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
A precipitate is a solid that forms and falls out of a solution, usually when two soluble ions combine into an insoluble compound.
What did one ion say to the other? “I’ve got my ion you.”
"Ion” is pronounced like “eye-on,” so it sounds like “I’ve got my eye on you.” Ions are charged atoms or molecules, and oppositely charged ions attract each other. That’s how ionic bonds form, like Na⁺ and Cl⁻ in table salt. So one ion “keeping an eye on” another also hints at that attractive bond between them.
I'm reading a book about helium. I can't put it down.
Helium is less dense than air (which is mainly made of nitrogen gas!), which is why helium balloons float.
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I have more degrees."
Some wordplay between two very common pieces of lab equipment that every first-year student will see.
Want to hear a joke about potassium? K.
Potassium's chemical symbol is just a K! (The K comes from kalium, potassium's Latin name.)
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Ending off with a classic. Everything you've ever touched is built from atoms. They are the LEGOs of life!
Have one to share? Think you're funnier than me? Would love to hear some of your favourites via email or call.
Cindy Ma (they/them) holds an MSc in Biological Chemistry from the University of Toronto and a BSc in Pharmaceutical Chemistry from the University of Toronto. They have tutored high school and university STEM courses for over ten years, and run Gallium Tutoring, an online tutoring practice based in Toronto. ORCID · LinkedIn